| So you want to know about sex or improving it? What can I tell you that is going to help you get the romp you deserve? Hell, everybody does it and we have all had our experiences, but what is so special about what I have below? Well let's start out nice with an academic approach. We can plan in the mud on a less sensitive topic. My scholastic definition of sex is the act of arousing natural hormone activity by fondling, touching, teasing, or creating intimate interest through other actions. Notice the definition covers masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, and all of the behaviors leading to the activities mentioned. The act of flirting is included along with those dirty little thoughts about your neighbor. Granted those are not standard bodily violations like intercourse, but they are sexually related acts. In my humble opinion, there are too many people complaining about their sex lives because we associate sex closely with ejaculation, orgasms, and physical acts that lead to sexual relief. Usually, the problem is not with the frequency, variety, or the attractiveness of the people involved, but with other issues. For instance a man who bickers about frequency is probably more concerned with his own feelings of inadequacy. On the other side, women who express concern about orgasmic activity may not feel they deserve pleasure; possibly some sort of guilt. In either case, improving sexual relations involves more than reading an instructional manual or watching a video. It involves redefining our interpretation of sex and it takes a thorough personal evaluation, says this self proclaimed doctor. The simple truth is we do not know what we want when it comes to sex. We move from partner to partner, believing what we have been taught and do our best. This is a critical mistake. Of course, sex becomes routine, boring, uneventful, and the interest is replaced by maintenance. No one can give or receive good sex without knowing what they enjoy. We need to find the time to actually think about what really turns us on, how we wish to be treated, and the fantasies that accompany such thoughts. We have been taught that this type of inquisition is abnormal, dirty, or perverted. Really? Priests, schoolteachers, managers, consultants, fast food clerks, gymnasts, politicians, musicians, construction workers, and even you are guilty of having provocative thoughts and fantasies. They are natural, normal, and healthy. There is nothing wrong with the thoughts, problems only arise if there is action based on the inappropriate ones. To be brief, our preferences and desires lie within these thoughts. Sexual Discovery There are a couple of assumptions we need to consider when unlocking our sexual nature. First, we have to understand that every person is different. People differ not only in physical characteristics, but also values, culture, opinions, and heritage. The second key to a fulfilling and healthy sex life is in self-exploration. This includes physical exploration and those fantasies cluttering your mind. Stay with me, the following ten questions may be uncomfortable, but entertain me. The questions below should help uncover and identify your sexual preferences. I suggest elaborating on each by writing more than a single sentence to get the full benefit from them. Ten Questions Mapping Sexual Discovery
Once you have the answers, rate each one on importance. With this information you should be able to uncover your specific sexual preferences. Now, if you find that you enjoy blowing Alzheimers' patients in the hospital cafeteria, you might want to check into a different ward. For the rest of the population, this exercise should offer greater sexual awareness and healthy insights. Reflecting on the answers, you may realize your current partners or situations do not adequately satisfy your profile. No worries, this is common during sexual discovery. Usually, the problem is not with our personal preferences, but with how we handle addressing them. Terminating a relationship and seeking out a better-suited partner is not always the solution. Of course, there are instances of incompatibility, but these can be managed with a bit of effort. Refer to the The Three Keys to Relationships. Achieving Sexual Satisfaction
These are general guidelines, but you should be able to build on them and start improving your sex life. Notice much of the material relies on establishing communication, comfort levels, and trust. If I were you, I wouldn't expect too much from your new partner or random "one-night stands." It takes time to learn about someone, gain his or her trust, and be able to communicate comfortably. Now was that so painful? Also check out Oral Sex (Best Ever) |
:: Second Coming: Sex ::
:: Average Single Male :: by Jim Parker
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