There was a time in my life I could drink all night. It didn't matter how I mixed the alcohol. I could mix beer with wine or add a couple shots and a mixed drink and I would still be able to avoid the dreaded hangover. I had many friends who weren't so lucky. They would have three beers in an entire night and feel the pain. I was the fortunate one. Those were the days of angst, rebellion, freedom and the essence of my youth. I don't know exactly what changed. It could be the body's way of telling me to slow down or it may be the frequency in the over consumption. It doesn't matter what led to the changes. The point is there are times when I have had to take steps to rid myself of this menace and I will pass them to you.

Many people can remember the one hangover that led to changes in their behavior. Let me tell you a story. I had been out until dawn and was supposed to be at work in two hours. I did this about three times a week and I was never affected, so I was unpleasantly surprised when my alarm clock buzzed. My head felt like it had been split down the middle. It was throbbing, pulsating, and I knew my brain was going to leak through my nose and ears. My eye sockets were not only burning, but my eyes had to have been replaced by baseballs. Of course, my stomach churned, gurgled, and spun like a washing machine. Apparently I slept with a putrid week old dead cat in my mouth. I couldn't manage enough spit to swallow the gastric acid that belched into my already burning throat and sinus passages. So I just drooled the colorful substance onto my pillow. My confidence factor of rolling out of bed was nonexistent. It is difficult to move when your body is cramped into a ball like position and pressed up against the wall. It seemed the cool air and the scent of paint wafting from the wall was the only thing giving me strength to live. Isn't it amazing how and when the will to live strikes? I managed enough effort to knock the phone from the nightstand and inform my employer that I wasn't going to make it in to work.

For three hours, I fell in and out of what I considered sleep, before appearing from my full sized coffin. As I walked to the bathroom, I thought I was too hot, but I had the random shivers that come with a cold bursting wintry breeze. I had trouble focusing my eyes. They felt like they were oozing a mixture of blood and sand. The mirror confirmed the dark ruby rivers flowing throughout my eyes. They were so dense there was no room for white. Attempting to wash away the image in the mirror, I splashed cold water on my face. The shock sent my head to the bowl for a session of convulsing dry heaves. You know the kind; the ones that start by violently puckering your asshole, then twisting through your intestines, and trying to thrust your stomach out of your nostrils.

I crawled into the bathtub and turned on the shower. I didn't care about the temperature. I just wanted to get wet. I sat in the tub with the shower raining on me and fumbling with the soap until it squirted out of my grip. It was too far for me to reach, so I just lied in the tub. I don't know how long I had been there, but my body was wrinkled from the experience.

Of course once your body is clean, it wants to get dirty again. I had never had the beer squirts or shits like this before. It was as if the bartender tapped my ass like a keg. Lets just say it was fast, furious, and uncontrollable. I didn't remember eating spicy hot food, but when I was done, I know I had a habenero pepper jammed in my asshole. This would be the first and last time I would use the cold wet rag in the ass crack solution. Throughout the rest of the day, I couldn't tell if I actually passed gas or surprisingly left myself with a shit worm squirming in my underwear.

Enough already with the details, you came here to read about a "miracle cure" for your situation. Well, there is no miracle cure for the horrible hangover. It is much like the common cold. One can only minimize the symptoms. The point is you have a hangover because the night before you put too much blood in your alcohol system. You know what I mean. So today your body is trying to regain its proper biological and chemical balance. It will take time.

What to do if you are suffering from the hangover from hell? Should you take Tylenol, Bayer, Excedrin Migraine, or is there something else specifically for hangovers? Yes, there are new products targeted at morning after relief, but let me provide you with a little insight. There are three ingredients that are common with the pricey new hangover products. The first one is a pain reliever, which is aspirin, acetaminophen, or ibuprofen. The second is caffeine. Lastly, they include a type of antacid. Notice the complicated science behind these new, innovative, and expensive products selling you on their miracle cure. Of course they are counting on your pitiful day after judgment to buy their product.

So how much more are the specially designed inventions? It depends on where you shop, but basically the cost for the recommended dosage could be around eighty cents to near one dollar and seventy-five cents. That isn't a ton of money for the advertised relief and most of us would gladly pay it. The point is most of us already have a bottle of pain relievers and antacids in our medicine chest. We also might have coffee or another source of caffeine around like a Coke, Pepsi, or a Dr. Pepper. So why would we spend additional funds on the cures we already have around the house or in the medical kit at work?

Common Sense ways to address the suffering

During the night out

• Eat a heavier than normal meal before drinking and have something to eat while drinking. Pizza, submarine sandwiches, pasta, and charbroiled foods have been recommended. Do not try to drink heavy with a simple leafy salad in your system.
• Don't drink or don't drink so much. That is way too obvious and probably won't work.
• Drink lots of water while drinking. Hangovers can be associated to dehydration, therefore; you need to pump up your fluid level. You might also try a Gatorade like product, just don't add the shots of vodka.
• Before you go to sleep, try eating a couple pieces of slightly burnt bread/toast. There is carbon in that charred cardboard like square. Carbon aids in filtering out impurities in your fish tank, tap water filters, and now, you. You may also want to buy carbon tablets at a local nutrition center.

Day After with a Hangover

• Time will eventually take care of your symptoms. I would suggest, taking the day off or maybe just a half of a day, depending on how you feel and smell. The fact is you aren't going to be productive and at noon you will still probably smell like a rancid brewery. Give yourself at least eight to twelve hours after your last drink to go back to work.
• Drink Gatorade or a similar product.
• Try Ginkgo Biloba. Some people believe it works well for headaches because it improves circulation.
• Eat something, any thing you can choke down. Some swear by oatmeal, cereal, western omelets, or even a hefty plate of nachos smothered in jalapeno cheese sauce. I do think there is something to the hot and spicy food theory subduing a nasty hangover. However, I don't usually have my chili ready on those mornings.
• Take the recommended dose of your favorite pain reliever with a glass of water.
• Take an antacid or try some aloe vera plant juice to calm your inconsistent bowel.
• Take a multivitamin with a glass of water.
• Have a beverage containing caffeine. It doesn't matter whether it is coffee, tea, or a Pepsi.
• Relax, go back to bed, and place a cool wet towel over your eyes and forehead. Take a two-hour nap.
• Drag your ass to the gym for a twenty-minute sweat session and top it off with a ten-minute sauna.
• Some people recommend sex or masturbation to get the endorphins rolling as an additional blast to subdue your headache.
• Drink more water.
• Eat again.
• Brush your teeth
• Take a long shower and alternate between mildly hot and cold water. The minor shock to the body gets the hormones pumping. Make sure your take extra time to scrub away the funk from the night before.

Of course, you may not need to do all of these or perform them in order. The lists above may be used as a reference guide for alternatives, not as a type of structured defined process. Some may work others may not.

Which one is better, aspirin, acetaminophen, or ibuprofen? You will undoubtedly try them all for one reason or another, but the answer is whichever one works best for you. It is that simple. Let me tell you a story, as teen with a hangover, I made an embarrassing mistake. I had gone to a female friends house to share our morning after misery. She and I talked for about an hour, before she suggested that I take the two pills lying by the stereo. A few moments later, she got up, realized I took the wrong ones and with much laughter told me what had happened. Yes, I apparently sucked down her Midol with a swig of orange flavor Gatorade. All I can say, is after twenty minutes, I felt much better. Better than most of the other products I had tried. I don't know if Midol would work for me again, but I would rather not explore the possibility. Who knows what would happen, breast growth and penile tissue reduction?

That leads us into the topic of warnings on the product labels. Have you read them? Most will state, "if you consume more than three drinks per day" than do not use without consulting a physician. I wouldn't have a fucking hangover if I had less than three drinks. Also, if I bothered my doctor every time I woke up with an alcohol induced symptom, I am sure he would make a personal visit to kick my ass, and take me to rehab. Other warnings suggest the medication may cause or irritate ulcers, bleeding problems, upset stomach, heartburn, rapid heartbeat, liver damage, nervousness, sleeplessness or general pain that recurs. Isn't that what some of your symptoms are? Why not put that warning on every glass of beer, wine, mixed drink, and shooter, so everyone knows in advance?

I am not a doctor, nurse, or a professional drunkard. What I am is an ASM who has had a few no so great experiences with alcohol and wish to pass on some of the things that have worked for me. I welcome any comments, suggestions, and insights regarding the material above (email to site). If you need more assistance, feel free to explore programs involving alcohol education, substance abuse, professional counseling, and rehabilitation.