As a living and breathing person, we have all received numerous gifts from ex-lovers, family members, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. Some good and some not so good, so such is life. In any case, there are times when we have been left to wonder where people derived their gift ideas and what they were thinking at the time of purchase. I am sure everyone has opened a gift and thought one or all of the following:

What the hell is it?
What am I supposed to do with it?
What expression/emotion should I be showing right now?
How do I ask to exchange it?

Those are rather embarrassing and awkward moments, not only for the receiver, but the giver as well. Of course, we cannot eliminate all future uncomfortable situations, but we might be able to limit them or reduce the level of discomfort. In the rest of this section, I will attempt to provide some method to the madness to the art of gift giving.

In my mind the definition is: anything voluntarily given to someone without the expectation of reciprocating compensation. A gift could be an item, money, and the most overlooked, time. The key to my definition is the word "reciprocating." Of course, a "give and receive" relationship is fine, but giving to receive is manipulative and rude.

I believe gifts fall into three categories: things, stuff, and moments. The table below provides my thoughts and a brief description as to why they fall into each category.

Many of you may argue that the some of the examples could fit into one of the other categories. I agree, but I am saying the two keys to gift giving are function and thought process. For instance, a nice bouquet for your mother is different than surprising your lover with a candle lit room full of roses.

Here are a few more considerations:

• Things are completely meaningless without moments.
• Stuff is good by itself for nonsexual relationships.
• Anyone can give things and stuff.
• The amount of money spent on a gift should never be disclosed.
• Moments create impressions and lifelong memories.
• Moments are rarely linked to money. They are more commonly associated to personal feelings.
• Gift giving is a selfless process. Do not give a gift and expect to receive accolades, honors, sex, or other rewards in return.

Not every gift we give can be "perfect." This is especially true when we are involved in serious committed relationships. As an ASM, there are times I feel overwhelmed with the dates I am supposed to provide a little gift for like the one-month anniversary, the three-month anniversary, the six-month anniversary, the one-year anniversary and her birthday. Add to those dates the first kiss, first dance, first movie, first intercourse, first oral sex and how could I forget the special occasions like Christmas, Easter, and Valentine's Day.

Throughout my travels in the world of relationships and gift giving, I have made a critical discovery. Let me enlighten you on what many women have not considered quality presents; lingerie, kitchen appliances, video games, Midol, bathroom fixtures, feminine hygiene products, office supplies, car/vehicle parts, vibrators, drugs, alcohol, porn movies, acting out sexual fantasies and self help books. Could this be the reason for my continued single status?

Did you notice that some of the gifts mentioned had a "me factor?" Meaning the gift would provide me with pleasure, like the lingerie and video games. This is a key point, it is not appropriate to give a present with a "me factor." Also, notice the impersonal nature and the level of effort. Granted the feminine hygiene product was a personal gift, but it was a little on the rude side. I will not explain the details, but she deserved it, needed it, and I was yearning to get dumped. Note that if you wish to terminate your current affair, please feel free to choose any of the gifts I have mentioned.

No one is born with a talent for giving great gifts. The best advice is to learn about that special person. Get to know their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, and person they wish to become. Listen to their subtle clues. If they say, "I like that" or "that is nice" or "I have always wanted one" are fairly solid hints. Remember gifts are not always measured by a monetary value. If your partner enjoys cycling, plan a day trekking through the city. Include a picnic and I would bet on a positive response. My final note is; giving presents is a way of showing others how we feel about them, how well we know them, how much we appreciate their influence in our lives, and how we express our gratitude. Be creative, spontaneous, and thoughtful, have fun, and start giving moments to remember.